[ He waits as Connor puzzles through it all, his eyes flicking from his friend's face to their joined hands. The last time they held hands like this was when Arenvald was sick in bed, wasn't it? Connor had been his lifeline, then. An anchor to keep him from drifting away into the darkness of his nightmares.
The memory makes him feel warm in a way that has nothing to do with recalling his fever. That had been the moment he'd realized he was in deep, and nothing's really changed since then, has it?
When next he glances up, he and Connor's gazes catch for just a second, and Arenvald would like to hope he doesn't just imagine the way something sparks between them, catching the breath in his lungs for a split second. ]
That's... [ A little disappointing, and Arenvald has to kick himself for being selfish. This isn't about him. It's about Connor. ] That's understandable. But if... if you want to explore it a bit more, uh, ever, I don't mind helping.
That’s a generous offer, he thinks, one that he should consider at a later date should curiosity continually get the better of him. But as it is now, that strand of pleasure winding itself in his Thirium pump, growing faintly larger as the moments pass, he can only think of how increasingly difficult it would be for his systems to process. How distracting this kind of gratification is in the moment, and how very difficult it is to say no if simply giving into temptation.
And yet if he’s to build a new association of something physically pleasant, why not with someone he’s grown close to over time? Was there a boundary that he’d be overstepping, he wonders, his social programming trying to loop itself in circles in a useless attempt to judge what might be acceptable and to what degree. The feeling diverts even his rational thought; equal parts worrying and intriguing.]
Do you want to explore it more? It’d be a two-way street, as they say. Disregarding the idea of chroma, holding hands like this in public is generally a gesture shared between two intimate parties.
[ There’s still a bit of color on his cheeks, a holdover from a few moments earlier that he can’t seem to will away no matter how much he wants to. There’s probably no getting rid of it so long as he and Connor are holding hands, or even talking about holding hands and what that might mean. ]
I know.
[ Oh boy does he know. He clears his throat a bit. ]
I don’t mind, really. [ He really likes holding hands with Connor, and he doesn’t really care if other people get the wrong idea anyway. ] It’s uh, it’s got a lot to do with the way this world works, right? I’d rather figure it out with you than someone else.
[Easy for him to see the flush in Arenvald’s skin, the minuscule registering of his pulse with their hands entwined like this. But his voice is earnest, embarrassed but sincere — mixed signals of a sort.]
That’s true, but... Even if it’s embarrassing for you?
He starts a little, cheeks flushing a bit warmer for having been caught, but there wasn’t really a way to mask it, so it was probably only a matter of time before Connor brought it up. ]
So, then, a good kind of embarrassing? What exactly does that entail?
[He’s going to prod at that logic, simply because he doesn’t want Arenvald feeling obligated to do this for his sake alone — especially at the detriment of his own comfort.]
[ Okay, he walked right into that one. No one to blame but himself, because he knows how Connor is, how he’ll latch onto the slightest incongruence and look for an explanation. “Good” and “embarrassing” don’t typically go together, so here they are.
Like before, he sucks in a breath and exhales slowly to sort himself out. ]
I suppose “embarrassed” isn’t quite right. It’s more like I’m nervous? Like I said before, this is all pretty new to me and there’s always the possibility that I’ll mess something up, but I guess… I guess I don’t mind so much because it’s you.
[It’s a reasonable explanation, a simple example of having misspoke. It’s enough for Connor to ease up on the questioning, willing to accept that answer for all the sense it makes.
He pauses, only briefly, before slowly removing his hand from Arenvald’s. But from the look on his face, and the gratitude ingrained in his tone, this isn’t meant to be a denial of his offer.]
Then it’s really appreciated, Arenvald. Please don’t worry about ‘messing something up’, either. Neither of us will learn just how this works without some moderate experimentation — that includes both successes and failures.
[A small part of him already misses the contact, but... moderation, as he said.]
[ There really is something to be said for taking a second to gather his thoughts instead of flailing around because he’s too flustered. He should try that more often, especially where Connor is concerned. It’d save him from being interrogated.
Connor draws his hand away and the loss of that feeling hits him like a punch to the gut, though he is quick to remind himself that Connor is calling the shots here, and does his best to shove that pang of loss aside. Fingers flexing, he drops his hand back down to his side. ]
I guess we’ll be stumbling through this together, then.
[ He’s glad that they’re in agreement over that, at least. It feels like a small victory of a sort. ]
[It is like severing something important, like it’s left a void where there was once a connection when he removes his hand. But Connor expected that much; when given new sensation, it only makes sense that it would feel poignantly absent when just as easily taken away.
No need to fret over it. They’ll have plenty of opportunities in the future to experiment, he thinks.]
That’s good to hear. I’m glad I could help. If we come across anyone else suffering from a similar itch, at least now we know of a solution.
[A brief glance at the angry plant at a distance, its vicious limbs lashing in the air, but not nearly long enough to reach them where they are now.]
[ That would be so awkward, though, especially if the person they come across is a stranger. Sure, he got a nice moment with Connor just now (even with the angry plant flailing around in the background), but he’s not so certain he wants that with anyone else.
Overall, he’s not really sure how he feels about this whole “moonlacing” thing.
But yes, the plant is still angry and still flailing. It’s only a matter of time before it summons up another vine long enough to lash out at them all the way over here. ]
You're right. Best we don’t overstay our welcome, yeah?
[Not that Connor believes much in luck, beyond probabilities and the math behind chance itself.
He gestures at Arenvald to follow him, turning his body to head in a direction away from the angry plant. There's still much to be done in the wake of all of this.]
There are still others that need our help. We'll be more effective working as a team, anyway. Stick close, all right?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
The memory makes him feel warm in a way that has nothing to do with recalling his fever. That had been the moment he'd realized he was in deep, and nothing's really changed since then, has it?
When next he glances up, he and Connor's gazes catch for just a second, and Arenvald would like to hope he doesn't just imagine the way something sparks between them, catching the breath in his lungs for a split second. ]
That's... [ A little disappointing, and Arenvald has to kick himself for being selfish. This isn't about him. It's about Connor. ] That's understandable. But if... if you want to explore it a bit more, uh, ever, I don't mind helping.
[ He's trying his best. ]
no subject
That’s a generous offer, he thinks, one that he should consider at a later date should curiosity continually get the better of him. But as it is now, that strand of pleasure winding itself in his Thirium pump, growing faintly larger as the moments pass, he can only think of how increasingly difficult it would be for his systems to process. How distracting this kind of gratification is in the moment, and how very difficult it is to say no if simply giving into temptation.
And yet if he’s to build a new association of something physically pleasant, why not with someone he’s grown close to over time? Was there a boundary that he’d be overstepping, he wonders, his social programming trying to loop itself in circles in a useless attempt to judge what might be acceptable and to what degree. The feeling diverts even his rational thought; equal parts worrying and intriguing.]
Do you want to explore it more? It’d be a two-way street, as they say. Disregarding the idea of chroma, holding hands like this in public is generally a gesture shared between two intimate parties.
[IN CASE YOU DIDN’T KNOW………..]
no subject
I know.
[ Oh boy does he know. He clears his throat a bit. ]
I don’t mind, really. [ He really likes holding hands with Connor, and he doesn’t really care if other people get the wrong idea anyway. ] It’s uh, it’s got a lot to do with the way this world works, right? I’d rather figure it out with you than someone else.
no subject
That’s true, but... Even if it’s embarrassing for you?
no subject
He starts a little, cheeks flushing a bit warmer for having been caught, but there wasn’t really a way to mask it, so it was probably only a matter of time before Connor brought it up. ]
N-not in a bad way, I promise!
no subject
So, then, a good kind of embarrassing? What exactly does that entail?
[He’s going to prod at that logic, simply because he doesn’t want Arenvald feeling obligated to do this for his sake alone — especially at the detriment of his own comfort.]
no subject
Like before, he sucks in a breath and exhales slowly to sort himself out. ]
I suppose “embarrassed” isn’t quite right. It’s more like I’m nervous? Like I said before, this is all pretty new to me and there’s always the possibility that I’ll mess something up, but I guess… I guess I don’t mind so much because it’s you.
no subject
He pauses, only briefly, before slowly removing his hand from Arenvald’s. But from the look on his face, and the gratitude ingrained in his tone, this isn’t meant to be a denial of his offer.]
Then it’s really appreciated, Arenvald. Please don’t worry about ‘messing something up’, either. Neither of us will learn just how this works without some moderate experimentation — that includes both successes and failures.
[A small part of him already misses the contact, but... moderation, as he said.]
no subject
Connor draws his hand away and the loss of that feeling hits him like a punch to the gut, though he is quick to remind himself that Connor is calling the shots here, and does his best to shove that pang of loss aside. Fingers flexing, he drops his hand back down to his side. ]
I guess we’ll be stumbling through this together, then.
[ He’s glad that they’re in agreement over that, at least. It feels like a small victory of a sort. ]
Ah… I think my itch is gone.
no subject
No need to fret over it. They’ll have plenty of opportunities in the future to experiment, he thinks.]
That’s good to hear. I’m glad I could help. If we come across anyone else suffering from a similar itch, at least now we know of a solution.
[A brief glance at the angry plant at a distance, its vicious limbs lashing in the air, but not nearly long enough to reach them where they are now.]
We probably shouldn’t linger here much longer.
no subject
[ That would be so awkward, though, especially if the person they come across is a stranger. Sure, he got a nice moment with Connor just now (even with the angry plant flailing around in the background), but he’s not so certain he wants that with anyone else.
Overall, he’s not really sure how he feels about this whole “moonlacing” thing.
But yes, the plant is still angry and still flailing. It’s only a matter of time before it summons up another vine long enough to lash out at them all the way over here. ]
You're right. Best we don’t overstay our welcome, yeah?
no subject
[Not that Connor believes much in luck, beyond probabilities and the math behind chance itself.
He gestures at Arenvald to follow him, turning his body to head in a direction away from the angry plant. There's still much to be done in the wake of all of this.]
There are still others that need our help. We'll be more effective working as a team, anyway. Stick close, all right?