[ He was perfectly ready to sit here and keep whatever thoughts he’s having about the way Connor’s fingers traverse his neck to himself, but then Connor has to go and say that. Connor asks in such a… such a Connor way that he has no idea how to take that question. He tenses just a bit, unsure of how to even respond to that, or if he even should. ]
I, uh…
[ Gods above, he is not prepared for this, but what else has he got but the truth? Arenvald is such a poor actor when it comes to this sort of thing that Connor would see through him in an instant, anyway. ]
That’s interesting. I’ve been told of this phenomenon, though I’ve yet to experience it myself until just now.
[Yep, just standing behind his friend all casual-like, fingers pressed against the skin of his neck. Beneath his touch, attuned to collect data with every facet of every “sense”, Connor can feel the uptick in the other’s heartbeat. A growing warmth registering in his systems.]
I’m sorry, am I embarrassing you? I wouldn’t normally touch you without due cause, Arenvald, no matter how pleasurable the illusion of feeling might be. But this is to keep your itch at bay.
[ Ah, called out anyway. Of course Connor would notice he’s having a slight freak-out – it’s Connor, not to mention Arenvald has no idea how to be subtle about this sort of thing. ]
No… no, it’s fine. I just. I didn’t realize you could feel it too. It surprised me.
[ Please stop saying the word “pleasurable”, Connor. ]
Yes. It’s almost completely gone, but I don’t want to sever the connection just yet. Not until I’m sure.
[Sorry you’re stuck with this, Arenvald.
But Connor falls into a contemplative kind of silence, difficult to tell when one can’t see his expression: brow beginning to knit, head tilting ever so slightly. His LED blinks twice, and he pipes up once more.]
This constitutes the first time I’ve ever felt physical pleasure; something that my programming doesn’t normally allow. It’s hard for me to quantify. [A pause for a second time.]
[ He’s not sure if being able to see Connor’s face would make this better or worse, but it does make him nervous being unable to see his friend’s expression, for as little as it often gives away about what he’s thinking.
Arenvald opens his mouth a time or two, but in the end he’s not certain what he wants to ask or talk about, so he abandons the endeavor each time. Connor ends up being the one to break the silence, and the situation is made no less awkward for his question. ]
Not exactly? I mean, I don’t really have much experience when it comes to… pleasure, [ save him ] but just touching someone isn’t supposed to feel like this.
I guess what I mean to ask is if this kind of pleasure — this “Moonlacing” — is different than any other pleasurable or satisfying sensation you’ve experienced over your lifetime. That is, if it’s the baseline for the human experience. I have nothing to compare it to.
[ Is there a lake around? Because Arenvald feels the very real urge to fling himself into it—
No, okay, that’s an overreaction. He shouldn’t fault Connor for trying to understand when this is something he’s never experienced before, even if it is embarrassing him to the point where he wants to find someplace to hide.
He sucks in a breath, letting it out in a sigh in an attempt to calm his nerves. It works a little bit ].
It’s… definitely different. Warmer, almost? It’s kind of hard to describe but…
[ I like it. He stops again, wondering just what he’s supposed to do with that information. This feels like a chance, something that Rion would probably scold him for letting pass by. He can see the disapproving look on her face now, and it’s ultimately what spurs him on. There’s a little bit of a clatter as he works one of his gauntlets off, pulling away from Connor’s fingers at the back of his neck only to turn around and offer him his hand. ]
[Hard to quantify, Connor had said, and it certainly is that. Even with Arenvald’s description providing a small amount of context, in which the android tries to wrench secondhand understanding out of, it’s hard to process. He doesn’t know where to categorize nor partition it aside — it’s “other”, not belonging with his normal senses or sensors, but not quite egregious enough to squirrel away in that corner part of his mind, where all the (doubts) errors exist that he tries to ignore.
Being an outside influence, not wrought from internal uncertainty, precludes it from that anyway. On those grounds alone, Connor can feel little guilt in admitting that pleasure feels… well, pleasurable. A faint novelty, a new curiosity. Insight into what it must be like to be human, one sensation in a veritable array of them.
He opens his mouth to say something — possibly to prod for more clarification in his rather unyielding manner — but there’s the sound of something clattering, and Connor barely manages to assume that it’s the removal of his friend’s gauntlet before Arenvald is turning around, offering his hand.
Connor’s still, only giving him a blink and a single spin of blue at his temple. But his lips quirk into a small grin, eyebrows rising by small degrees, and sees no reason why he shouldn’t take Arenvald’s hand.]
I would hope so, otherwise I’ve put you in a very uncomfortable situation.
[YOU ALREADY DID CONNOR
But, out of nothing more than pure curiosity, not thinking of whatever implications might come from it just yet, Connor reaches out and grasps Arenvald’s hand lightly with his own fingers, a straightforward but not unkind touch. Is the sensation any different like this, he wonders?]
[ In the split second before Connor smiles and reaches out, Arenvald feels like his heart is liable to beat its way right out of his chest. A dozen “what ifs” fly though his head in that single moment, none of them good, but they do not come to pass.
He laughs a little, a sound that is still slightly nervous at the edges though he tries his best to mask it. ]
It’s alright. I know you were just trying to help.
[ Even though it most certainly was awkward – though that’s mostly his own fault, he thinks, for not being able to keep his cool when confronted with Connor’s extreme straightforwardness. This is a bit better, now that he can actually see Connor’s face.
Connor slips his hand into Arenvald’s in a way that is very… Connor, and Arenvald cannot help but shift his grip a bit, lacing their fingers together instead. He would wager this feels even better than Connor’s gentle touch on the back of his neck, but that could very well be due to who he’s holding hands with as much as it is the fact that they’re, well, holding hands. ]
[Arenvald’s fingers lace with his own, a gesture that has Connor adjusting his own grip to accommodate, digits slotting into the open space between.]
It’s…
[His look is one of a man trying to describe a feeling that’s beyond his experience, like trying to speak in a foreign tongue when he doesn’t know the language. The consequence, at least, is easy enough to recount: the pleasurable feeling increases, spreads across his form from where it seems to originate in his core. Warm, in a way that’s more than mere external data inputted across the tract of sensors embedded into his body, all zeroes and ones trying to describe an organic experience to a synthetic being.
Instead, it’s more like an entity of its own. A wave passing across him. Caught in the fluid contours of his working bioccomponents when he looks at Arenvald, making something in his chest stutter in unexpected malfunction, even if all reports show nothing wrong, everything functioning optimally, it must be a consequence of Moonlacing, there’s no other explanation—
Connor swallows, looking faintly distracted. A learned gesture, that belonging to a human more than it has any right to an android.]
…nice. Stronger than before. But I don’t think it’s something I could keep doing for a long period of time.
[ He waits as Connor puzzles through it all, his eyes flicking from his friend's face to their joined hands. The last time they held hands like this was when Arenvald was sick in bed, wasn't it? Connor had been his lifeline, then. An anchor to keep him from drifting away into the darkness of his nightmares.
The memory makes him feel warm in a way that has nothing to do with recalling his fever. That had been the moment he'd realized he was in deep, and nothing's really changed since then, has it?
When next he glances up, he and Connor's gazes catch for just a second, and Arenvald would like to hope he doesn't just imagine the way something sparks between them, catching the breath in his lungs for a split second. ]
That's... [ A little disappointing, and Arenvald has to kick himself for being selfish. This isn't about him. It's about Connor. ] That's understandable. But if... if you want to explore it a bit more, uh, ever, I don't mind helping.
That’s a generous offer, he thinks, one that he should consider at a later date should curiosity continually get the better of him. But as it is now, that strand of pleasure winding itself in his Thirium pump, growing faintly larger as the moments pass, he can only think of how increasingly difficult it would be for his systems to process. How distracting this kind of gratification is in the moment, and how very difficult it is to say no if simply giving into temptation.
And yet if he’s to build a new association of something physically pleasant, why not with someone he’s grown close to over time? Was there a boundary that he’d be overstepping, he wonders, his social programming trying to loop itself in circles in a useless attempt to judge what might be acceptable and to what degree. The feeling diverts even his rational thought; equal parts worrying and intriguing.]
Do you want to explore it more? It’d be a two-way street, as they say. Disregarding the idea of chroma, holding hands like this in public is generally a gesture shared between two intimate parties.
[ There’s still a bit of color on his cheeks, a holdover from a few moments earlier that he can’t seem to will away no matter how much he wants to. There’s probably no getting rid of it so long as he and Connor are holding hands, or even talking about holding hands and what that might mean. ]
I know.
[ Oh boy does he know. He clears his throat a bit. ]
I don’t mind, really. [ He really likes holding hands with Connor, and he doesn’t really care if other people get the wrong idea anyway. ] It’s uh, it’s got a lot to do with the way this world works, right? I’d rather figure it out with you than someone else.
[Easy for him to see the flush in Arenvald’s skin, the minuscule registering of his pulse with their hands entwined like this. But his voice is earnest, embarrassed but sincere — mixed signals of a sort.]
That’s true, but... Even if it’s embarrassing for you?
He starts a little, cheeks flushing a bit warmer for having been caught, but there wasn’t really a way to mask it, so it was probably only a matter of time before Connor brought it up. ]
So, then, a good kind of embarrassing? What exactly does that entail?
[He’s going to prod at that logic, simply because he doesn’t want Arenvald feeling obligated to do this for his sake alone — especially at the detriment of his own comfort.]
[ Okay, he walked right into that one. No one to blame but himself, because he knows how Connor is, how he’ll latch onto the slightest incongruence and look for an explanation. “Good” and “embarrassing” don’t typically go together, so here they are.
Like before, he sucks in a breath and exhales slowly to sort himself out. ]
I suppose “embarrassed” isn’t quite right. It’s more like I’m nervous? Like I said before, this is all pretty new to me and there’s always the possibility that I’ll mess something up, but I guess… I guess I don’t mind so much because it’s you.
[It’s a reasonable explanation, a simple example of having misspoke. It’s enough for Connor to ease up on the questioning, willing to accept that answer for all the sense it makes.
He pauses, only briefly, before slowly removing his hand from Arenvald’s. But from the look on his face, and the gratitude ingrained in his tone, this isn’t meant to be a denial of his offer.]
Then it’s really appreciated, Arenvald. Please don’t worry about ‘messing something up’, either. Neither of us will learn just how this works without some moderate experimentation — that includes both successes and failures.
[A small part of him already misses the contact, but... moderation, as he said.]
[ There really is something to be said for taking a second to gather his thoughts instead of flailing around because he’s too flustered. He should try that more often, especially where Connor is concerned. It’d save him from being interrogated.
Connor draws his hand away and the loss of that feeling hits him like a punch to the gut, though he is quick to remind himself that Connor is calling the shots here, and does his best to shove that pang of loss aside. Fingers flexing, he drops his hand back down to his side. ]
I guess we’ll be stumbling through this together, then.
[ He’s glad that they’re in agreement over that, at least. It feels like a small victory of a sort. ]
[It is like severing something important, like it’s left a void where there was once a connection when he removes his hand. But Connor expected that much; when given new sensation, it only makes sense that it would feel poignantly absent when just as easily taken away.
No need to fret over it. They’ll have plenty of opportunities in the future to experiment, he thinks.]
That’s good to hear. I’m glad I could help. If we come across anyone else suffering from a similar itch, at least now we know of a solution.
[A brief glance at the angry plant at a distance, its vicious limbs lashing in the air, but not nearly long enough to reach them where they are now.]
[ That would be so awkward, though, especially if the person they come across is a stranger. Sure, he got a nice moment with Connor just now (even with the angry plant flailing around in the background), but he’s not so certain he wants that with anyone else.
Overall, he’s not really sure how he feels about this whole “moonlacing” thing.
But yes, the plant is still angry and still flailing. It’s only a matter of time before it summons up another vine long enough to lash out at them all the way over here. ]
You're right. Best we don’t overstay our welcome, yeah?
[Not that Connor believes much in luck, beyond probabilities and the math behind chance itself.
He gestures at Arenvald to follow him, turning his body to head in a direction away from the angry plant. There's still much to be done in the wake of all of this.]
There are still others that need our help. We'll be more effective working as a team, anyway. Stick close, all right?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I, uh…
[ Gods above, he is not prepared for this, but what else has he got but the truth? Arenvald is such a poor actor when it comes to this sort of thing that Connor would see through him in an instant, anyway. ]
Y-yeah. A little bit.
no subject
[Yep, just standing behind his friend all casual-like, fingers pressed against the skin of his neck. Beneath his touch, attuned to collect data with every facet of every “sense”, Connor can feel the uptick in the other’s heartbeat. A growing warmth registering in his systems.]
I’m sorry, am I embarrassing you? I wouldn’t normally touch you without due cause, Arenvald, no matter how pleasurable the illusion of feeling might be. But this is to keep your itch at bay.
[And therefore a practical reason!]
It shouldn’t be much longer.
no subject
No… no, it’s fine. I just. I didn’t realize you could feel it too. It surprised me.
[ Please stop saying the word “pleasurable”, Connor. ]
Is it… looking any better?
no subject
[Sorry you’re stuck with this, Arenvald.
But Connor falls into a contemplative kind of silence, difficult to tell when one can’t see his expression: brow beginning to knit, head tilting ever so slightly. His LED blinks twice, and he pipes up once more.]
This constitutes the first time I’ve ever felt physical pleasure; something that my programming doesn’t normally allow. It’s hard for me to quantify. [A pause for a second time.]
Is this generally how it feels? For you, I mean.
no subject
Arenvald opens his mouth a time or two, but in the end he’s not certain what he wants to ask or talk about, so he abandons the endeavor each time. Connor ends up being the one to break the silence, and the situation is made no less awkward for his question. ]
Not exactly? I mean, I don’t really have much experience when it comes to… pleasure, [ save him ] but just touching someone isn’t supposed to feel like this.
no subject
[He offers a clarification.]
I guess what I mean to ask is if this kind of pleasure — this “Moonlacing” — is different than any other pleasurable or satisfying sensation you’ve experienced over your lifetime. That is, if it’s the baseline for the human experience. I have nothing to compare it to.
[Another (awkward) pause.]
I like it.
no subject
No, okay, that’s an overreaction. He shouldn’t fault Connor for trying to understand when this is something he’s never experienced before, even if it is embarrassing him to the point where he wants to find someplace to hide.
He sucks in a breath, letting it out in a sigh in an attempt to calm his nerves. It works a little bit ].
It’s… definitely different. Warmer, almost? It’s kind of hard to describe but…
[ I like it. He stops again, wondering just what he’s supposed to do with that information. This feels like a chance, something that Rion would probably scold him for letting pass by. He can see the disapproving look on her face now, and it’s ultimately what spurs him on. There’s a little bit of a clatter as he works one of his gauntlets off, pulling away from Connor’s fingers at the back of his neck only to turn around and offer him his hand. ]
I like it too.
no subject
Being an outside influence, not wrought from internal uncertainty, precludes it from that anyway. On those grounds alone, Connor can feel little guilt in admitting that pleasure feels… well, pleasurable. A faint novelty, a new curiosity. Insight into what it must be like to be human, one sensation in a veritable array of them.
He opens his mouth to say something — possibly to prod for more clarification in his rather unyielding manner — but there’s the sound of something clattering, and Connor barely manages to assume that it’s the removal of his friend’s gauntlet before Arenvald is turning around, offering his hand.
Connor’s still, only giving him a blink and a single spin of blue at his temple. But his lips quirk into a small grin, eyebrows rising by small degrees, and sees no reason why he shouldn’t take Arenvald’s hand.]
I would hope so, otherwise I’ve put you in a very uncomfortable situation.
[YOU ALREADY DID CONNOR
But, out of nothing more than pure curiosity, not thinking of whatever implications might come from it just yet, Connor reaches out and grasps Arenvald’s hand lightly with his own fingers, a straightforward but not unkind touch. Is the sensation any different like this, he wonders?]
no subject
He laughs a little, a sound that is still slightly nervous at the edges though he tries his best to mask it. ]
It’s alright. I know you were just trying to help.
[ Even though it most certainly was awkward – though that’s mostly his own fault, he thinks, for not being able to keep his cool when confronted with Connor’s extreme straightforwardness. This is a bit better, now that he can actually see Connor’s face.
Connor slips his hand into Arenvald’s in a way that is very… Connor, and Arenvald cannot help but shift his grip a bit, lacing their fingers together instead. He would wager this feels even better than Connor’s gentle touch on the back of his neck, but that could very well be due to who he’s holding hands with as much as it is the fact that they’re, well, holding hands. ]
Well, uh… what do you think?
no subject
It’s…
[His look is one of a man trying to describe a feeling that’s beyond his experience, like trying to speak in a foreign tongue when he doesn’t know the language. The consequence, at least, is easy enough to recount: the pleasurable feeling increases, spreads across his form from where it seems to originate in his core. Warm, in a way that’s more than mere external data inputted across the tract of sensors embedded into his body, all zeroes and ones trying to describe an organic experience to a synthetic being.
Instead, it’s more like an entity of its own. A wave passing across him. Caught in the fluid contours of his working bioccomponents when he looks at Arenvald, making something in his chest stutter in unexpected malfunction, even if all reports show nothing wrong, everything functioning optimally, it must be a consequence of Moonlacing, there’s no other explanation—
Connor swallows, looking faintly distracted. A learned gesture, that belonging to a human more than it has any right to an android.]
…nice. Stronger than before. But I don’t think it’s something I could keep doing for a long period of time.
no subject
The memory makes him feel warm in a way that has nothing to do with recalling his fever. That had been the moment he'd realized he was in deep, and nothing's really changed since then, has it?
When next he glances up, he and Connor's gazes catch for just a second, and Arenvald would like to hope he doesn't just imagine the way something sparks between them, catching the breath in his lungs for a split second. ]
That's... [ A little disappointing, and Arenvald has to kick himself for being selfish. This isn't about him. It's about Connor. ] That's understandable. But if... if you want to explore it a bit more, uh, ever, I don't mind helping.
[ He's trying his best. ]
no subject
That’s a generous offer, he thinks, one that he should consider at a later date should curiosity continually get the better of him. But as it is now, that strand of pleasure winding itself in his Thirium pump, growing faintly larger as the moments pass, he can only think of how increasingly difficult it would be for his systems to process. How distracting this kind of gratification is in the moment, and how very difficult it is to say no if simply giving into temptation.
And yet if he’s to build a new association of something physically pleasant, why not with someone he’s grown close to over time? Was there a boundary that he’d be overstepping, he wonders, his social programming trying to loop itself in circles in a useless attempt to judge what might be acceptable and to what degree. The feeling diverts even his rational thought; equal parts worrying and intriguing.]
Do you want to explore it more? It’d be a two-way street, as they say. Disregarding the idea of chroma, holding hands like this in public is generally a gesture shared between two intimate parties.
[IN CASE YOU DIDN’T KNOW………..]
no subject
I know.
[ Oh boy does he know. He clears his throat a bit. ]
I don’t mind, really. [ He really likes holding hands with Connor, and he doesn’t really care if other people get the wrong idea anyway. ] It’s uh, it’s got a lot to do with the way this world works, right? I’d rather figure it out with you than someone else.
no subject
That’s true, but... Even if it’s embarrassing for you?
no subject
He starts a little, cheeks flushing a bit warmer for having been caught, but there wasn’t really a way to mask it, so it was probably only a matter of time before Connor brought it up. ]
N-not in a bad way, I promise!
no subject
So, then, a good kind of embarrassing? What exactly does that entail?
[He’s going to prod at that logic, simply because he doesn’t want Arenvald feeling obligated to do this for his sake alone — especially at the detriment of his own comfort.]
no subject
Like before, he sucks in a breath and exhales slowly to sort himself out. ]
I suppose “embarrassed” isn’t quite right. It’s more like I’m nervous? Like I said before, this is all pretty new to me and there’s always the possibility that I’ll mess something up, but I guess… I guess I don’t mind so much because it’s you.
no subject
He pauses, only briefly, before slowly removing his hand from Arenvald’s. But from the look on his face, and the gratitude ingrained in his tone, this isn’t meant to be a denial of his offer.]
Then it’s really appreciated, Arenvald. Please don’t worry about ‘messing something up’, either. Neither of us will learn just how this works without some moderate experimentation — that includes both successes and failures.
[A small part of him already misses the contact, but... moderation, as he said.]
no subject
Connor draws his hand away and the loss of that feeling hits him like a punch to the gut, though he is quick to remind himself that Connor is calling the shots here, and does his best to shove that pang of loss aside. Fingers flexing, he drops his hand back down to his side. ]
I guess we’ll be stumbling through this together, then.
[ He’s glad that they’re in agreement over that, at least. It feels like a small victory of a sort. ]
Ah… I think my itch is gone.
no subject
No need to fret over it. They’ll have plenty of opportunities in the future to experiment, he thinks.]
That’s good to hear. I’m glad I could help. If we come across anyone else suffering from a similar itch, at least now we know of a solution.
[A brief glance at the angry plant at a distance, its vicious limbs lashing in the air, but not nearly long enough to reach them where they are now.]
We probably shouldn’t linger here much longer.
no subject
[ That would be so awkward, though, especially if the person they come across is a stranger. Sure, he got a nice moment with Connor just now (even with the angry plant flailing around in the background), but he’s not so certain he wants that with anyone else.
Overall, he’s not really sure how he feels about this whole “moonlacing” thing.
But yes, the plant is still angry and still flailing. It’s only a matter of time before it summons up another vine long enough to lash out at them all the way over here. ]
You're right. Best we don’t overstay our welcome, yeah?
no subject
[Not that Connor believes much in luck, beyond probabilities and the math behind chance itself.
He gestures at Arenvald to follow him, turning his body to head in a direction away from the angry plant. There's still much to be done in the wake of all of this.]
There are still others that need our help. We'll be more effective working as a team, anyway. Stick close, all right?